The Techno-Driven Church

I was unsure what I was going to title this post. I thought about “When Emergent Goes to Seed” or “Fully Emerged.”

My friend Travis called me into his office this morning and told me how he was in Starbucks when a guy wearing a karate out fit handed him a postcard. It was an advertisement for a new church opening up in our area. The G-Church. The first ever techno-church worship service. I am thinking early 80s Herbie Hancock’s Rockit with Jesus lyrics.

On the back of the postcard is a lovely Google Earth map of the Stevenson Ranch area of the Santa Clarita Valley with highlighted directions. The meeting time is every Sunday at 1:30 pm to 3:00 pm, so I guess you don’t have to worry about getting out of bed until ten to be at church. This plays well with those church goers who were out late in the dance clubs the night before.

There is also a description of the service (my snarky comments are added in blue)

Christian (Yep, it is always Christians, right? for some reason I wouldn’t expect Muslims to have a techno-Mosque. They have more respect for their religion and it is leading them to eternal destruction),
Sober (I’m curious of his definition of sober. Like, not liquored up?),
Free Admission (I certainly wouldn’t be paying for something like this),
Free Food (I wouldn’t pay for food either),
Gospel and Techno in One (Would this be like the Jesus film with the Matrix soundtrack?), Singles meet (I imagine this place wouldn’t be necessarily family and kid friendly),
A light club (How does the sober description play into being a club?).

Other things included in your G-Church experience:

3 Efx projectors (For the Pink Floyd laser light show to reach out to the “older” crowd),
Tribal Drum Circle (Tribal drums? Will there be a sweat lodge, too? I am envisioning a scene like out of Billy Jack with some guy high on powdered mushrooms trying to catch a rattlesnake and he gets bit and goes into a trance where he wrestles his spirit guide who is in the form of a big bear wearing a loin cloth).
Digital Turntable Alter (For the breakdance communion service),
Live Diva (?????? What’s a live Diva? Does Barbra Streisand attend this church?)

We are also encouraged to make the Sundays even greater by bringing our own stuff like, lighting, turntables, instruments, arts and crafts, Gospel divain (what ever that is) and B-boyin (what ever that is).

Just by reading the description of this place, I wouldn’t want to attend because the service would be too loud and cacophonous.

Are there any limits to how far emergent style sympathizers will go? Are there any who will step back and say, “Ya know, this is a bit over the top and a tad sacrilegious?” I am not a hard core anti-contemporary fundamentalist. I think guitars and drums can have a tasteful place in the music service, but an entire church driven by techno music? If techno music is what is used to draw people in to church, what will maintain their presence? People — especially young adult singles 18-25 — get bored easily these days. A person can only do techno for so long before they tire of it.

I fail to see any hint of a gospel that can genuinely change lives at this church. A gospel that can provide meaning for a person, because the message is spirit filled, transforms the person’s life, awakens him to the reality of God’s righteous judgment upon sinners, and brings him to fleeing to Christ in repentance as the only savior able to make a person right with God, his creator.

I don’t believe I would trust breakdancer boy Jesus with my soul.

4 thoughts on “The Techno-Driven Church

  1. You’ve got to be kidding me!That’s pretty ridiculous, especially their utter lack of any details on the website. What exactly do they believe, other than teaching you how to have a “victorious life in Jesus”?

  2. Pingback: Answering Survivor Bloggers and Other Sundry Theological Cranks | hipandthigh

Leave me a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s