Attack of the Killer Chipmunks

The United Kingdom is set to be invaded by an unimaginable horror, the likes of which have not been seen since the Nazi Luftwaffe.

Dunnn, Dunnn, Dunnn….

(Oh, by the way, be warned of the sidebar images in that link. It is the Sun tabloid).

Will a modern day Boudica arise to save the Britons from this marauding menace? Where art Richard the Lionheart? What Would Winston Do?

What actions are the populace to take if confronted by one of these beasts? Why immediately call the Non-native Species Secretariat.


The NSS, I hear, takes forever to respond to these calls. An entire family could be wiped out by the time an agent pulls up.

I think an attack by a monstrous rodent of this magnitude must be met by civilized means.

Two words for my friends across the pond: Shot Gun.

A .410 preferably with rat shot.

Ohhh… That’s right. the United Kingdom lives according to those strict gun control laws. Oh well.

Let’s remember professor Kenner’s words from Crichton’s State of Fear: “Civilization (i.e. shot guns) exists to protect us from the nature.”

I guess you could always use the Farmer McGregor hoe.


While responding to a commenter, I happened to notice a second article addressing the chipmunk horror that has befallen the UK. According to this second article, a group of vicious chipmunks escaped from a park about four years ago, and in that time they could have bred in to a horde of chipmunks thousands strong! An army of killer chipmunks. That little one was probably just a scout sent out to test the strength and weakness of their human victims.

Well, how do we contend with an army of thousands of killer chipmunks? If the UK didn’t have those gun control laws, a person could use this.


9 thoughts on “Attack of the Killer Chipmunks

  1. I guess the British chipmunks are more deadly. My eight month old kitten had one in the back yard recently. It was dead, and he played with it for over an hour.Last night, my son was riding his bike and saw one looking a little dazed and confused in the middle of the road. He picked it up and put it on the grass. I hope the open Canadian immigration laws don't mean that hordes of killer chipmunks find their way across the border.

  2. Is that story for real?! Do the Brits not even sell rat traps or poison peanuts for individuals to participate in rodent control? I was under the assumption that God desires for man to subdue and properly manage the resources of the earth rather than worship it and let the wildlife run over him.I suppose that is what happens when the populace is disarmed.Don't worry, though–our govt is working hard to create a similarly helpless society. And they've done their part to be sure that we have plenty of wolf packs, cougars and grizzlies around which are steadily making inroads into populated areas.:o(Heather

  3. Well, with all fairness to the Brits, they are not your Chip and Dale, docile chipmunk, but the Siberian chipmunk. That, like all things from Siberia, are much more aggressive and in your face.

  4. "Siberian ChipmunkFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaJump to: navigation, searchSiberian ChipmunkConservation statusLeast Concern (IUCN 3.1)[1]Scientific classificationKingdom: AnimaliaPhylum: ChordataClass: MammaliaOrder: RodentiaFamily: SciuridaeGenus: TamiasSpecies: T. sibiricusBinomial nameTamias sibiricusLaxmann, 1769The Siberian Chipmunk is a member of the chipmunk genus, Tamias. Ranging across northern Asia from central Russia to China, Korea and northern Japan (Hokkaidō), it is the only member of its genus found outside North America. It lives in woodland habitats with a bushy understory.It is 18-25 cm long, of which a third is the tail. The weight of adults depends on the time of year, and is normally 50-150 grams. The Siberian Chipmunk is relatively small compared to other Sciuridae, such as the Red Squirrel.Its foes include birds of prey, mustelids, and cats. In rare cases Siberian Chipmunks may spread diseases such as rabies by biting other animals or humans.It feeds on shrubs, mushrooms, berries, birds, and other small animals.It has colonised parts of eastern and central Europe due to escapes from captivity.CaptivityThe Siberian Chipmunk has become a pet, but needs a lot of room for climbing and should have covered space to retreat. They are less active in winter but normally do not fall into winter sleep in heated rooms. In captivity Siberian Chipmunks often live 6 to 10 or even more years. Most animals also born in captivity become tame to a certain degree.Pet chipmunks enjoy nuts, fruits, vegetables and rodent lab blocks."Yes… sounds quite formidable…~Squirrel

  5. But this chipmunk terrorized a family. And if you read the sidebar, there is another article relaying how these particular chipmunks may have been from a vicious colony that escaped from a park that now may be A HORDE ONE THOUSAND STRONG!!! That's pretty scary, because I have seen some nasty hordes in my life, at least on TV. A chipmunk army a thousand strong spreading disease and eating our breakfast cereal is a fearful thought.

  6. "The Siberian chipmunk is a slightly smaller and finer boned animal than the North American chipmunk. It has been extensively bred in England, and therefore is closer to being a truly domesticated animal."See! "Extensively bred in England." They've no one to blame but themselves!And I note "a slightly smaller and finer boned animal." Hmmm.Read my adventures with chipmunks here~Squirrel

  7. Theodore, Simon, & Alvin would be appauded at the way these chipmunks are acting so devilish I'm sure.Shot gun sounds like the remedy for killers like these. Or even a BB gun would do really.

  8. That, like all things from Siberia, are much more aggressive and in your face. I see. That would be pretty traumatic to be accosted by a fair-sized rodent with jumping capability. Really, I can't blame anyone for flipping out over finding a rodent rifling through their box of corn flakes. About a year ago, we had a very tenacious mouse move in and I was ready to move out immediately. Craig didn't go for my suggestion, so I had to opt for super-tight crumb control and a half dozen traps (which the thing managed to bypass for nearly a month before getting caught).Read my adventures with chipmunks hereLOL! My sister gets bats in her house :oPWhen Craig was a kid, he caught and (sort of) tamed a chipmunk. He told our kids how he carried it around in his pocket and fed it. But he won't let the kids play with them because he since found out (via first aid training) that they are notorious for carrying rabies. I definitely can understand how a largely concentrated, uncontrolled population could be a problem.Heather

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